"We were speechless. They came in droves as far as the eye could see. In solidarity, these protesting Japanese Snowmen arrived, filed off the planes and just stood there, covering the entire tarmac, melting. It was so moving."Onsite quote from an unidentified spokesperson for the OCCUPY Movement
Despite being very confident the evidence had been destroyed, a Wall Street money manger's ties to a huge medical technology research firm were discovered by an OCCUPY Movement member via a smoking gun photo documenting a disturbing innovation which would enable poor families to strike lucrative contracts with multiple corporations whose logos would be genetically imprinted in utero, on their children; naming rights are presumed to be extra.
The recent discovery near Zuccotti Park of a well-hidden, curious inscribing device apparently capable of re-writing both history and the future, has federal authorities and members of the OCCUPY Movement each cautious about claiming credit for the instrument's development.
One of federal authorities' worst fears was confirmed this morning when their forensic laboratory confirmed a presumed Bible found in an OCCUPY Movement encampment was in fact authentic and gauging from the freshness of multiple fingerprints and DNA extractions, had been recently read by a large number of people; special council has reportedly been brought in to help agents determine what strategies may be most prudent given this unfortunate turn of circumstances.
This week the OCCUPY Movement announced (out of necessity) an unlikely yet innovative product launch, being a joint effort between its agronomists and strangely enough, Joseph Enterprises, namely, The Chia-Tent, a ground shelter which when forcefully removed from its location, simply grows back.
Though resolved months ago, some among the OCCUPY Movement still resolutely lobby for the Dali mask (depicting the urgency of time) which eventually lost out to the Guy Fawks mask after much debate and 11 rounds of voting.
Originally thinking it merely a prank, global entities are now highly alarmed by evidence that the OCCUPY Movement has in fact commandeered a unique, world-class neutronalyzing drill and is presently engaged in tunneling completely through the center of the earth in search of new, unregulated territories within which to set up their tents.
Utilizing a new, ultra-high-speed imaging technology, authorities now believe they have finally captured their first glimpse of what they term as a "genetically altered, hybrid network of speed squirrels" thought to be an inscrutable, cleverly disguised, ubiquitous communications tool OCCUPY Movement groups have been utilizing in order to rapidly communicate information between camps nationwide in a less than obvious manner.
No one agrees how the foul-up developed but the next thing you knew, hundreds of priests were filing into the massive OCCUPY Movement's encampment, ready, willing and able to help exorcise whatever it was that was occupying so many souls there.
Taking an imaginative "public sculpture" tact and thereby circumventing all regulations prohibiting tents in public places, the OCCUPY Movement recently struck a deal with David Trautrimas to jointly fabricate large community habitation structures via repurposing oversized implements and containers.
Undeterred by an ancient loss to a monster opponent (whose campaign was underwritten by massive capital from the medical research community), Felix has seemingly found new support as a 2012 candidate from an "emerging movement" (which rhymes with clock-you-fye); the logic being that anyone with an actual "bag of tricks" has got to be better than an endless line of old dogs unable to learn any new ones.
At a recent political fund raiser, news was leaked that the OCCUPY Movement had initiated a nation-wide campaign for true elections; a pure system eliminating all political primaries and parties, whereby every citizen would "write in" their vote for absolutely whomever they wanted, allowing a series of run-offs to determine the winner.
Banning tents (temporary structures) in public spaces had seemed like such a great maneuver to keep the OCCUPY Movement out of the parks... until portable microhouses suddenly began popping up everywhere. And this time... it looks serious.
However it got started, none can agree, but once George got wind the OCCUPY Movement may be going underground for a while, he could not resist grabbing his buddies and seeing if they just might be able to "hunt one or two of 'em down".
Today it was reported 99% of all NASCAR pit crew tire changers, NASA Space Shuttle battery installers and White House carpenters were in fact, in agreement with 99% of what the OCCUPY Movement presumably stands for; the disturbing ramifications that 99% of anything might be 99% true concerning anything related to the OCCUPY Movement necessitated the rapid formation of a joint industry-government-banking commission to further investigate this frightening development.
Besieged by frantic statisticians from around the globe, suddenly, U.S. governmental agencies have also begun paying nervous attention to one ironic fact: The day most social scientist's have calculated, predicting the eventual success of the OCCUPY Movement and the time frame for 16 different international Doomsday scenarios all fall on the same date.
A disenfranchised member of a large political party leaked this early mock-up of an internal campaign manager's covert ploy to torpedo the integrity of the OCCUPY Movement by planning to claim this "secret document" revealed OCCUPY's soon-to-be-revealed candidate for the 2012 elections; however, it was deemed a "mega-stupid strategy" by that campaign worker's teenage daughters and subsequently dropped.
While conducting surgery to locate and remove an apparent malignant meningioma (brain tumor), Dr. Lubeck and his team of specialists were aghast to encounter what was actually an almost microscopic OCCUPY Movement group encamped near the parasagittal region.
Rapidly losing grasp of a bad situation and desperate to deflect attention away from his state's ill-prepared, disaster relief agency, in an regretful moment of embarrassed exasperation Governor Barton let forth an ill-conceived tirade implicating the OCCUPY Movement as the covert culprit behind all of the natural disasters experienced in this country for the past year.
Anticipating the likely future need for publicly addressing large crowds, engineers within the OCCUPY Movement had already designed an effective, mobile amplification device unaware that city statutes would ultimately require the implementation of the rather low-tech, People's Mic.