One of federal authorities' worst fears was confirmed this morning when their forensic laboratory confirmed a presumed Bible found in an OCCUPY Movement encampment was in fact authentic and gauging from the freshness of multiple fingerprints and DNA extractions, had been recently read by a large number of people; special council has reportedly been brought in to help agents determine what strategies may be most prudent given this unfortunate turn of circumstances.
"The ability to laugh at one's self every day is the beginning of wisdom... or possibly dementia, I'm not sure." Sir Buckley Wheatish (Announced on May 11, 1796 upon his hearing of the arrests of 10 utopists by the French the day before, an act he found equally as ludicrous as it was justified.)